Tomorrow

Take a shaky breath in and let it out,
And do it again, and again, and again,
Until my body remembers how to do it on its own,
Moving from one day to the next shouldn’t be so hard.

But sometimes it is, sometimes it has to be,
And sometimes it’s not even some of the time,
Instead it keeps happening like I’m part of a TV show,
I’m on the tenth season of a show that should have only had five.

Take a shaky breath in and let it out,
And do it again, and again, and again,
Because one day my body will remember again,
But I’m growing scared at the concept of tomorrow.

And I’ve tried not to complain and failed one too many times,
That I’m facing battles that I shouldn’t have had to fight,
And I win, just to fight again, just to win and then fight again,
I’m so used to fighting that winning doesn’t even feel like a triumph.

I know that my role is to not complain about the setbacks in my life,
But I’m not humble enough or maybe I’m just not blind enough
To keep pretending that I’m still okay trying to fight the universe,
Especially when one loss seems to weigh more than ten wins.

I’ve had people say that my optimism changed their way of looking at the world,
And I’m still not old enough to know better but I’m starting to feel like a fraud,
Because it feels like I get through another day simply because I have no choice,
And I’m ashamed to admit that sometimes I forget what I’m fighting for.

Take a shaky breath in and let it out,
And do it again, and again, and again,
Because if you wanted to give up you’d have done it by now,
After all this time you’re still more scared of not knowing what happens next.

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