Ruined Memories

We’re letting the past bleed into the present,
As if we haven’t already said our goodbyes,
Buried the casket six feet under,
Laid flowers and tears over the gravestone,
And left the cemetery without looking back.

With every I-love-you I can’t help but feel more foolish,
Like I’m getting older but not learning anything new,
Too intoxicated with the fantasy you always give me,
Your admiration of me draws me ever closer to the flame,
And I forget that my wings could catch fire,
Become unable to reach my part of the sky,
Because the me that was with you couldn’t fly,
She found the nest too comforting a home.

You know that my vanity intertwines with my insecurity,
That if I ever find the cure then you’ll lose your hold,
Because our tragedy was our beauty,
We were the storm that felt like the end of the world,
When I kissed you in the gazebo in the silence that followed,
I became the leading character in your movie,
Became the manic pixie girl I never wanted to be,
And maybe, hopefully, you found yourself,
But I was the one that left in the end,
The one that had the real character arch,
I never sacrificed anything for you,
And that’s just not how the story ends
For men that ache to be saved by girls like me.

My life moved on and yours stayed still,
And that’s not fair, it’ll never be fair,
But you’re cheapening what we were
Every time boredom strikes and you think of me,
Think of my body and all the missed opportunities,
And maybe that’s all it was for you,
But if that’s your memory of me I don’t want to know,
I want the fantasy, the boyfriend experience,
That’s the only thing worthy of the tears I cried
And the nostalgia that floods my chest on lonely summer nights.

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